Read Part 1 of this series
I miss you
I broke up with Colin and it was only a couple of weeks later that I realized just how big of a mistake I made. I knew I wanted him back, but I was scared he would turn me down. I did everything I could to get him to ask me to come back, but he wasn’t falling for it (he says now that he had no idea I was trying to get back together with him. I think he was playing hard to get!).
Finally I straight out told him how I felt.
That was March 4, 2004.
One year later we were engaged.
One year after that we were married!
Married Life
We were lucky and eased into married life pretty easily. Both of us are pretty laid back, so we didn’t have power struggles or dramatic fights. The only struggle we had was with money. First there wasn’t enough, than there was, than we didn’t know what to do with it.
We made a LOT of financial mistakes in our early days of marriage. Some of those still haunt us to this day.
This story isn’t about that though, I’m merely mentioning if we did argue…it was about money.
Things were going really well. A few weeks before our 1 year anniversary we had our first child!
It’s a boy!-who never sleeps
The birth of our first son was a joyous and exhausting occasion. I went overdue and had to be induced. I labored for 24 hours total, 2 hours of that pushing. By the time my son was born, I was spent! The post partum depression creeped in pretty early for me. I was in the hospital and some family and friends came to visit. I cried through the entire visit. I was completely unable to stop. I had never, in my life, felt that kind of lack of control and it was frightening to me.
When we got home with our son, we realized he simply could not keep food down. We didn’t need burp rags, we need burp towels. Diagnosis: reflux. We had a reflux-y baby and he was in pain pretty much all the time. I remember Colin walking him around and asking him somewhat jokingly “Is it really possible to hate everything?”.
I slipped deeper and deeper into depression. Colin would come home from work and I’d be sitting in the rocker with Noah, both of us crying. I had some bad, scary thoughts. I convinced myself that my love for Colin was the only thing keeping me from taking my kid and dropping him off somewhere. I knew Colin loved him, and I couldn’t hurt Colin like that.
Finally we talked to our pediatrician. He suggested the book “The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer”. I read the book cover to cover in one night. I was desperate. We tried to swaddle our son and put him in the swing, but that kid broke out of the hospital swaddles. Our swaddles simply weren’t good enough. So I looked online and found a funky little baby straight jacket thing called The Miracle Blanket. I found a local store that sold it and the next day we went on our longest drive we’d ever taken our newborn baby on to go get one. Our son was 4 weeks old at this point and had never once taken a “nap”.
(to be continued)
Read Part 1 of Our Story or skip to Part 3 or Part 4
Congratulations, on your sweet boy! It's very brave and admirable of you to admit your deepest, and darkest feelings, during those grueling early weeks, with baby. Sounds like you had it tough, and to an extent, still going through it!
I hope day by day, things are getting easier, and the clouds are lifting. From one mommy to another, I wanted to offer you my support, and (Cyber hugs).
Glad you have found a couple things that have helped, and I'll pray for more sleep for mommy and baby, really, really soon. Sleep deprived mommies, are no joke!
He's really an adorable child. I remember my last had oddles of reflux and gas, spit ups, and hated sleep. So exhausting. Worse then my twins combined!
Hang in there! New follower here:) (Follow back if you wish.)
xoxo Shelly
http:www.twinpossible.com
It was tough! It gets much easier though! I'll post the next part of the story later tonight. Thanks for stopping by!
I seriously can tell you I understand some what. My first son had reflux and they refused to do anything for him until he was 18 months old. We used receiving blankets as spit up rags. Will see how the story goes when you post again.
Oh boy…that pic makes me cringe because of my memories of A's sleep, or lack of. Thank goodness for the miracle blanked and Happiest Baby on the Block! I'm glad you learned so much about calming a baby with Noah (not that I'm glad he was so tough….you know what I mean) because you sure were helpful when A was a newborn! LOL!
Colleen, ugh, I feel for anyone who has ever had a baby with reflux. I know in the grand scheme of things, it isn't the worst illness ever. It makes them sooo miserable.
Katie, I'm so glad I was able to be helpful to you. Noah and A would have a blast trading stories about how they drove us up the wall in their newborn days!